I’ve made a lot of decisions over the last 50 something years of my life. Thankfully, most of those were pretty good ones. However, there are some things I’ve chosen to do that have left me with regret. It’s impossible for me to go back and change those choices, the outcomes, and the consequences of those decisions. But what I can do is learn from my mistakes so I can better navigate the decision-making process to mitigate future regrets.
As I’ve considered some of those key “What was I thinking?” moments, I found that there is one thing that every single one of them has in common. When I made those consequential choices, I did so while operating outside of my authentic identity. In other words, my choices were not aligned with who I truly am. In some cases, I made decisions based on what other people wanted me to do, and sometimes what I thought they wanted me to do. At other times, I made choices based on my desire to be accepted, loved, or seen as relevant.
Pause…
Wait a minute. The more I write, the more I realize that the direction I’m going in this article will not work for everyone. Suppose your authentic self includes an amoral structure that lends itself to bringing harm to others, being divisive, or fostering ill will. In that case, your Identity-aligned choices will likely lead to regrettable actions anyway…whether you personally regret them or not. So, to be clear, this article is intended for the person who has a respect for high moral standards, yet due to the constraints of being human, finds themself unable to lead a perfect life. It’s not for lack of trying but for the simple reason that none of us is perfect and we all have flaws and faults that follow us whether we want them to or not. Not all of our decisions are the best, but we’re doing the best we can.
Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way and I don’t have this big “What about…?“ bubble hanging over my head, I’ll continue.
Whether our choices are as mundane as espresso or decaf or as monumental as relocating to a new city across the country, each decision carries the potential for future regret. I think it’s safe to say that each of us has experienced that sinking feeling of, I wish I had done things differently. So, how do we avoid that choice that leaves us in desperation for a do-over?
While perfect decision-making is unattainable, we can significantly reduce our likelihood of future regret by being intentional and following a more strategic approach to making identity-aligned decisions. The following are some steps you can take that will help you to gain clarity, create self-awareness, and exercise your critical thinking skills when making important decisions.
1. Pause before Proceeding:
In a fast-paced world, it is easy to make impulsive decisions. In fact, some sales tactics rely on those impulsive decisions to get us to purchase items we may not even need or want tomorrow. Act now! Only one item left!
- Create Space to Process: Whether it’s 24 hours, several days, or months, creating space to make your decisions will ensure that you’re not being driven by emotions or compulsion. Instead, you will provide a welcoming stillness where rational thoughts can prevail. The more significant the decision, the more space you need to create to ensure that your decision is coming from a place of informed confidence that aligns with your needs and instead of someone else’s persuasive desires.
- For smaller decisions, a brief pause can make the difference when it comes to mitigating regret.
2. Gather Information – The More Info, The Better:
Regret often results in us acting on incomplete or inaccurate information.
- Research Thoroughly: Gain insights from knowledgeable experts, or someone who can speak from experience, understand industry trends, compare products, and read reviews. And certainly make sure you read and understand the fine print.
- Seek Diverse Perspectives: Don’t just talk to people who will tell you what you want to hear. Actively seek out differing opinions from friends, mentors, and colleagues.
- Identify Your Biases: We all have biases that can cloud our judgment by causing us to see things that aren’t there or ignore the red flags that are. Are you prone to confirmation bias (seeking information that supports your existing beliefs)? Are you overly optimistic or pessimistic? Acknowledging these tendencies can help you compensate for them.
3. Envision the Future (Good and Bad):
One of the most powerful tools against regret is the ability to project yourself into the future.
- Pros and Cons: Beyond creating a simple list, devote time to truly visualize the implications of each pro and con. What would life look like if you made this choice? How would you feel? What would be the long-term consequences?
- The “Worst Case Scenario”: Consider the absolute worst outcome. Can you live with it? Can you recover from it?
- The “Best Case Scenario”: What’s the best possible outcome? Is it realistic? Does it align with your values and long-term goals?
- The “Regret Assessment”: Imagine yourself in a few years from now. Looking back, which decision would you regret more – making this choice or not making it? This can often provide the needed clarity.
4. Understand Your Values and Goals:
Decisions made in isolation from your core values and long-term goals are ripe for regret.
- What Truly Matters to You? Take time to think through your core values – integrity, purpose, freedom, security, creativity, family, impact, etc. When faced with a decision, ask yourself if it aligns with these fundamental principles.
- Where Are You Heading? If you don’t know your destination, any road will do – but it might not be the right one for you. Having clear personal and professional goals provides a compass for your choices. Does this decision move you closer to or further away from your desired future?
5. Learn from Past Regrets (Yours and Others’):
Our past mistakes are invaluable teachers.
- Reflecting, Not Dwelling: When you experience regret, instead of ruminating and launching yourself into a downward spiral, analyze it. What was the root cause of the regrettable decision? What could you have done differently?
- Observe Others: Pay attention to the choices others have made and the consequences they’ve faced. This offers a vicarious learning experience that can save you from making similar errors. We don’t always have to learn things “the hard way.”
By embracing these strategies, you empower yourself to make choices that are more aligned with your true self, your values, and your long-term aspirations. Although it’s impossible to eliminate regret entirely, we can minimize its occurrence and foster a sense of confidence and peace in the path you choose. Take a deep breath, think critically, and step forward with intention. Your future self will thank you for it.