Imagine that you are sitting in the passenger seat of a fast-moving car. The scenery is blurring past you; career milestones, relationship changes, personal dreams, and you are terrified of where your car is going. You grip the dashboard, bracing for a crash, wishing the car would turn left instead of right. Finally, you look over to plead with the driver, only to realize that the driver’s seat is empty. It has been empty all along.
This terrifying realization is where some of us find ourselves. We are moving along in life, but we’re not in the driver’s seat. You have an incredible opportunity to shape your future by actively choosing your path, rather than letting others, cultural expectations, or fear decide for you. It’s time to slide over to the driver’s seat.
The High Cost of Drifting
For many women, drifting doesn’t look like laziness. In fact, it often looks like exhaustion. We drift by following the script written by society, our parents, our past selves, and we wait for permission to pivot. We wait for the perfect time to start the business, leave the unhealthy relationship, or prioritize our health.
But waiting steals our time. There is a heavy “passivity tax” we pay when we let life happen to us rather than through us.
- Passivity breeds deep regret. The pain of a wrong decision can be sharp, but the pain of inaction is chronic. It stays with you, whispering “What if?”
- Silence dims your brilliance. When you go with the flow to avoid rocking the boat, you suppress the unique purpose you were meant to walk in.
You cannot find your authentic self if you’re constantly molding yourself to fit someone else’s container. Taking ownership means breaking the mold and being the unique Masterpiece you’ve been designed to be.
Confronting The Fear: Why We Stay Passive
If taking control is so liberating, then why is it so hard? The answer is usually fear, specifically the fear of making the wrong choice.
We live in an era of decision fatigue. We are terrified that the wrong move will destroy all that we’ve worked for or perhaps cause us to move several steps back and start all over again. But here’s the truth you need to hear: fear is a liar. It tells you that you need to be perfect before you can be powerful.
- Perfectionism paralyzes progress. We think we need a guarantee of success before we take a step. But clarity doesn’t just come from thinking. It also comes from doing.
- Mistakes are simple lessons. Resilience isn’t about never failing; it’s about how quickly you recover. Every wrong turn provides the data you need to find the right path.
The Art of Active Living
So how do we move from the passenger seat to the driver’s seat? How do we stop reacting and start creating? It begins with the art of active living. This isn’t about controlling every variable; it’s about controlling your response to it.
- Use your identity and purpose as a filter. You’ve been uniquely and purposefully designed. By taking ownership of who you truly are, tapping into what you uniquely bring to the world, you can start to quiet the noise of expectations.
- Small steps build confidence. You do not need to overhaul your entire life by next week. Agency is a muscle. Start with small stake decisions, whether it’s choosing a restaurant, signing up for a class, or saying no to an opportunity that is not a fit for you. Every time you keep a promise to yourself, you’re building trust in your ability to take agency over your life.
- Align actions with purpose. Look at your calendar. Does it reflect who you want to be based on how you desire to positively impact the world around you? Taking ownership means continuous editing that leads to you aligning your daily actions with your broader purpose.
Your Moment of Power
It’s easy to feel like it’s too late to change course, or that the stakes are too high. But the road ahead is continuing to be constructed with each decision you make.
You have an incredible opportunity to shape your future by actively choosing your path instead of letting guilt, the expectation of others, or fear decide for you.
Here’s your challenge for today: Consider a decision that you’ve been wavering about, and make the decision.
It doesn’t have to be a decision to move across the country, unless that’s something you’re ready to do. It can be small, but make it yours. Avoid simply doing what others want you to do or even what you think they might want you to do. Gather the information you need to make a wise decision. Weigh your options. Decide, and act.
When you do this, you increase your personal power instead of giving it away to others. You prove to yourself that you are a competent architect in your own life.
As author Alice Walker said, “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” You have the power.
It’s time to drive.