Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:00:00) – The views, thoughts and opinions expressed by hosts and guests on this podcast are their own and do not represent the views, thoughts and opinions of UCLA athletics or UCLA gymnastics. The content of this podcast is strictly for informational purposes only and should not be considered professional advice. Due to the technical difficulties we faced while recording Stella Yumi from her location in Australia, in some sections of this podcast, Stella’s video will be replaced with her still photo. Even with this adjustment, we do hope you enjoy her powerful episode.
Stella Umeh (00:00:33) – And my name was already out there. People already knew who I was, and I bombed, and I was still able to show back up because I had tangible things that I needed to fix. I wasn’t going there to try and do better than what I did the year before. I was just going there to execute to the best of my ability, what the program that I had in front of me right then and there, and it didn’t work right. It didn’t work. I had a very bad meet, but I didn’t go into a tailspin.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:01:02) – Welcome to the Black Gymnast Olympic Dreams edition of the Resilience to Brilliance podcast, where you’ll be inspired by the history and eye opening accounts from Olympians who live the dream. I’m your host, Kim Hamilton Anthony. Here we go. The Black Gymnasts Olympic Dream edition of the Resilience to Brilliance podcast is a short podcast series dedicated to the young black gymnasts and their families out there who have the Olympic dream. In the 2024 Olympic Trials, you will likely see more black gymnasts competing at this level than ever before, so I thought I’d bring on some individuals who could one provide encouragement and advice for these young athletes and their families on how to navigate the gymnastics world, while embracing the skin they’re in, and those who can help us learn a bit more about black gymnasts in history. And then, of course, I wanted to bring on those who can share their own personal stories about the resilience it took for them to achieve their own Olympic dreams. On this episode, we have Stella Umeh. Stella Umeh represented Canada in countless international competitions, including the 1992 Barcelona Olympics.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:02:24) – She went on to UCLA as a top recruit and became a ten time All-American and three time national champion. Have you ever prepared to have a conversation with someone and you expect it to go in one direction, but then it completely goes a different way? Well, that was my conversation with Stella. It wasn’t this linear interview with a clear start, middle and end. Instead, it was raw. It was ripe with emotion and real to the core. Whiich is who Stella is, so I shouldn’t have expected anything less. But our conversation was interesting and the advice she gives is priceless. Let’s listen. Stella, welcome to Resilience To Brilliance.
Stella Umeh (00:03:21) – Hi.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:03:22) – How are you today?
Stella Umeh (00:03:25) – I’m good. Thank you so much for having me and inviting me in. Like, let’s get into it.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:03:31) – Oh, hey, I appreciate you being on. You are in Australia. What time is it there?
Stella Umeh (00:03:35) – I am actually. I feel like it’s like 11:15 in the morning. Yeah, it’s 11:15. So it’s actually my
Stella Umeh (00:03:43) – so I’ve done all the morning rush in the drop off and now it’s just me. Me my coffee and silent. Yes!
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:03:50) – Well I appreciate you making the time to be here. Now, you were a Canadian Olympian and you finished your career as a national champion at UCLA. When did you know that gymnastics was your thing?
Stella Umeh (00:04:05) – So I actually didn’t. I wasn’t raised in a household that even knew about gymnastics. We, my father is Nigerian, my mother is South American Guyanese, and we lived in Nigeria for two years. So from 2 to 4 we were overseas. And then when we came back, I have a sister that’s five years older than me. My mom’s like, let’s get them engaged. We actually started dancing first, so I danced alongside my sister at the age of four, I started and then I started gymnastics at six. So my gymnastics stories like like the perfect. It’s the perfect serendipitous moment. I had a lot of energy. My mother is a highly pious Catholic, but like, she’s just constantly praying for this young thing.
Stella Umeh (00:04:48) – And I was I was breaking furniture. I was like jumping around and flipping around and doing all this in the house. And she’s like this dance, no matter how many class she takes, it’s not enough. I’m praying that we find something for her, just like that fire in that passion that she has that will be so wonderfully aligned with her. And then we were driving. My mum and I were driving alone one day and we got lost. Mum got lost. She always got lost while driving and I was always with her. Therefore I was not very helpful. And, I don’t remember anything other than it. Actually, I remember quite clearly. It was a Saturday, everything was closed and we were kind of like in this industrial area, and there was one building that was open, and we went into that building to ask for directions, and when we open the door, I was like, hold up, what’s all this stuff? Orange, red, blue foam bars, big
Stella Umeh (00:05:43) – And I went tearing across the gym and it was Gymnastics Mississauga, where I ended up training and staying my entire career. And so we opened the door to a gym, literally opened the door to a gym, and I ran. And that was it. That’s all she wrote. Started gymnastics a week later.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:05:58) – I think that was an answer to your mama’s prayers.
Stella Umeh (00:06:02) – Yeah, she was like, thank you, Jesus. We’re still lost. But thank you.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:06:06) – But thank you. I found a place for my daughter to get her energy out.
Stella Umeh (00:06:10) – 100%, 100%. So then I continued to dance and do gym side by side for several years. I actually didn’t stop dancing until I was 12 simply because of time, time and money. And like, you know, we’re all gymnasts. We know how much time it takes.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:06:25) – A lot.
Stella Umeh (00:06:26) – A lot. And so I was dancing. I would only dance twice a week, but then I would do gym when it came down to it five days a week.
Stella Umeh (00:06:33) – So I was seven days a week. Pop pop pop pop pop. And I was I loved it, I burn bright. I have a kid who was exactly the same that I just never really seemed to burn out of energy until now. I’m in my 40s and I’m like, oh, I’m tired.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:06:51) – Oh goodness. It’s starting to hit you.
Stella Umeh (00:06:52) – Right? Boom.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:06:54) – Oh no. No. When you were in that gym. I’m sure you had a different look than what was typical for a gymnast. Did you feel that your differences were embraced or did they give you more challenges?
Stella Umeh (00:07:09) – Well, it’s an interesting question because as you know, being growing up black, it doesn’t only just happen in a vacuum in one place or another. I lived in a community that was all Western European, so everyone that was around me was either Maltese, Italian, Portuguese. So my existence was in a sea of white faces. And so when I went into the gym, it wasn’t any different than what I was already experiencing from one walk of my life to the next, so it didn’t.
Stella Umeh (00:07:38) – It’s interesting. I am Canadian, and this whole idea in this concept of skin color and ethnicity and diversity in that it actually didn’t sort of become a thing for me until I went to the United States. Canada. yeah. Because I just it was it’s it’s just it was it’s just different. And so I, I didn’t know.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:08:03) – And there’s a different history in Canada.
Stella Umeh (00:08:05) – Totally different history though. We still have our issues. But I didn’t know that I was supposed to look on the outside like I just didn’t. It just never really occurred to me.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:08:18) – Right, so are you saying that as a gymnast in Canada, you being black was never an issue? It was never something that you thought about or had experiences that maybe your your peers didn’t.
Stella Umeh (00:08:31) – So being black as a gymnast in Canada, it could have been an issue, but it’s not something that I would have known. Whereas my mother and my father, their experience is very different because they came to a country as foreigners, as immigrants, and, as two black human beings in a in a predominantly white area, which is, which is not what the terrain looks like now.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:08:41) – Ah, okay.
Stella Umeh (00:08:42) – Whereas my mother and my father, their experience is very different because they came to a country as foreigners, as immigrants, and, as two black human beings in a in a predominantly white area, which is, which is not what the terrain looks like now.
Stella Umeh (00:08:57) – But, you know, in the 60s, it was still not nearly as multicultural as where they came from, right, that there weren’t as many faces that look like them compared to where they came from. So their experience as adults living in an all white world, they experienced racism they were attuned to. I do look different when I walk into a room. They didn’t raise us like that, though. Like they just sort of. We were raised in a black household. Everybody in the house is black. We don’t really think much about anyone outside of the house, like, why would we? And then we just get on with our day. And so because it was never really something that occurred to me, my moms would always say it, but I just couldn’t. It never made sense to me. She would always say.
Kim Hamiton Anthony (00:09:45) – What do you mean?
Stella Umeh (00:09:46) – So my coach, later in years, he was a Russian Jew, and she was like, you’re a little black girl with a Russian Jew coach.
Stella Umeh (00:09:56) – Nobody likes you, too. And I was like, what are you talking about?
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:10:00) – Oh.
Stella Umeh (00:10:01) – Everybody loves it. Yeah, no, not really, but I didn’t necessarily appoint it or assign. All the things that we kind of assign now, which I guess as I was growing up, I mean, it was what was it was what it was. It was the way that I was raised or the way that I grew up. but it was a real my biggest culture shock, as I said to you. Was when I went to university in the US and I was 19, so I had my whole first 18, 19 years of my life, not really considering it, not paying it, not having it be a thing. And then as soon as I cross the border I was like, damn, yeah, this is the thing, this is a thing. And it’s quite bad, actually. I was shocked. I was shocked.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:10:46) – What shocked you most?
Stella Umeh (00:10:49) – I it was a literal culture shock.
Stella Umeh (00:10:50) – So I’ve been all across the world in all these different places looking like I do, but not. And knowing that I look different when I go to Japan, I look different when I go to Bulgaria. I look different when I go to Russia. But it’s expected because I’m in a different country.
Kim Hamiton Anthony (00:11:07) – Right
Stella Umeh (00:11:08) – So everything, for all intents and purposes, that the terrain of California, this is the reason why I signed in California and not a different school was because it it looked to me on the outside to be exactly what I was raised in, the sort of melting pot of all different faces and sizes and, and we all just mixed together. That’s what I thought. And then when I arrived there, I realized there is actually no mixing. And Bruin walk for me was the biggest educator for me. Let’s let’s do that because the tapestry of it look like where I grew up. But then if you look even closer, everybody was still all segregated.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:11:47) – They were.
Stella Umeh (00:11:48) – No one mixed with each other, and I was blown away.
Stella Umeh (00:11:49) – And so that to me, I went. Oh wait, where do I fit? I don’t I mean, I’m a gymnast. But my do I fit there? Do I hang out with. Only gymnastics friends or I’m female? Do I girls do I I’m black, do I am I black enough? I’m foreign, I’m Canadian. And so I was just like, should I’ll just stay on my own and do just good gymnastics.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:12:20) – Okay.
Stella Umeh (00:12:21) – Like I literally, university for me was a tough tough ride.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:12:22) – Yeah.
Stella Umeh (00:12:23) – And that’s a whole line of mental mental health and that full conversation there.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:12:29) – Yeah, and I, I had a similar situation when I went off to college because I came from, unlike you, I came from a predominantly African American culture. You know, I was surrounded by black people. And that was my school, my high school, my neighborhood. Everything was. And the only thing that was not was my gym. So I was living in these two different worlds. And then I get to UCLA.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:12:57) – And it was a struggle for me because I wasn’t sure where I fit in. So I’m thinking about the the gymnast listening, the parents listening. So you have these parents who will be watching the Olympic trials this year in 2024, and for the first time, they will see more people who look like you and me than they’ve ever seen at that level before.
Stella Umeh (00:13:27)- Mhm
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:13:28) – And so to think about what you experienced when you moved to the US. Think about what I experienced. you know, as I moved into a, an environment that looked quite differently from where I was raised. And what would you say to the person who might be experiencing some of the things that you experienced when you came to the US? They’re training and perhaps they’re not sure where they fit in. They’re in two different worlds, so to speak. How would you encourage them to continue to pursue their dreams, no matter what the environment or circumstances are like?
Stella Umeh (00:14:06) – I assume that by the time an athlete kind of gets to that level, it’s sort of they’ve decided that they want to be there.
Stella Umeh (00:14:16) – So. To stay there, I would hope. Because it’s not just about that. Like I hope their whole entire experience is healthy. That gives them. The ability, the resilience, the backbone, the the foundation to pursue, to keep going even when they’re uncomfortable. So the reason I was able to ride through those waves of discomfort and wobbly-ness, of knowing where I fit and where I don’t, was because I knew I was very good at gymnastics, and I loved gymnastics, and that was what I was there for. So I’m gonna turn up and I’m not going to let I’m not going to let anything or anyone stand in my way of that because I knew my purpose for being there. And aside from all of the things I’m not saying, it was easy. Like I have to definitely like put big girl panties on on the regular to just get up and shine. But I, I knew that when I got into that gym, that was actually my safe place. That was the place where I could just unleash and be myself without any judgment there.
Stella Umeh (00:15:28) – Because it’s an individual sport. You can. I mean, the terrain might not look like me, but no one’s up here on this beam with me. So it’s just me, the apparatus and my vibe. That’s all that. That’s all that it is. And so it’s the same. I found it to be the safest place. So I guess in that I guess it’s just, if I’m going to encourage someone. I would say you got to just look within, man. It’s not without. It’s not on the outside of you. It’s what’s in you. Who are you and who are you going to be every time you step up on the floor? That’s what matters. I’m about to start crying.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:16:07) – Tell me why.
Stella Umeh (00:16:14) – I’m a perimenopausal woman. I’ll cry if a bird runs into the wall. Kind of. And then I’ll cheer because I’m a parent. Oh my. Oh my goodness. Because.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:16:23) – Really, it’s bringing up some emotion
Stella Umeh (00:16:25) – It is because because we didn’t. I didn’t have that. Like, I had to figure that out on my own.
Stella Umeh (00:16:31) – I come from a very strong family that, you know, we got each other’s backs regardless of how crazy it is. So I knew that I could always go and reach out to my family, but at the end of it, I was away from home. I was doing school in a different country. I was on my own. I had to just keep turning up. I was away from my gym, which, and the gymnastics club that I came from. Was my home. I loved it there. It was my home. It was such a safe environment for me. I felt safe there.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:17:01) – That’s good.
Stella Umeh (00:17:02) And it was a positive experience. Like, I’m one of the very few gymnasts I can walk away from the sport and be like, I don’t hate it. Still talking to my coach. I’m like, I’m not. I’m not trying to sue anybody, you know what I mean? Like, I came out with a healthy. I came out from a healthy experience with a healthy looking back on my sport and my experience.
Stella Umeh (00:17:21) – So the fact that I wasn’t in that safe place, I really had to remember where I came from and remind myself of who I am and just to to sit there and know that. That was what got me through it. Yeah. Totally gets me in my fields. I didn’t relent when a lot of times I wanted to. But you can’t give up because you’re giving up on yourself, literally. And you have to, you have to ask yourself, who am I? Am I willing to give up on myself and I wasn’t.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:17:59) – When did you feel like giving up? What was it that was leading you to feel that way sometimes? Was it the environment? Was it? I don’t know, it was an injury. What was going on?
Stella Umeh (00:18:13) – So I had a couple moments like, thankfully I came out of gym in fairly good nick physically, like, I, I for as far as I went in the sport, I didn’t have any sort of like career ending injuries or overuse injuries and stuff like that.
Stella Umeh (00:18:25) – So I came out really physically and mentally and emotionally healthy. I did sustain a an unideal injury, which kind of made my last two years of competition, international competition and the start of my university experience not ideal. I, I hurt my ankle, so I was doing a dismount off bars and I landed on a crash mat and like, my foot was on the mat and my ankle was on the other mat, so it was eight inches of just, like, complete dislocated the whole thing. So I did that in like I want to say November of 1992. So it was right after Olympic Games, which were in August,
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:19:07) – Okay.
Stella Umeh (00:19:08) – And I was back on my foot stupidly by February of ‘93 at Worlds. I know. I mean, obviously I would make different decisions now.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:19:19) -Okay. Now, was that a decision that you made or did your coaches make that for you?
Stella Umeh (00:19:22) – No, no, no, I made it like I was like, yeah, I wasn’t I didn’t come from I didn’t come from an overly pushy environment like my coach.
Stella Umeh (00:19:31) – Coaches have always allowed us to speak our mind and to be a part of not really allow us. Sorry, I don’t like that. Our coaches, they encouraged us, you know, allowed us, they encouraged us and that they left it open for us to just be human beings because there sort of motto was, we are not building champions, well we are building champions. We’re building champions of life before we’re building champions of the sport. And so we want you to be healthy, happy and contributing human beings in society before you are a gold medalist. And so it wasn’t a win at all costs mentality.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:20:12) – Okay.
Stella Umeh (00:20:13) – So within me I was like, I don’t have any time, which is an interesting thing now because these girls and boys gymnastics has changed so much that it’s like you can have a much longer career. Back in the day, are you kidding me? You’re like, I’m 17, I’m done.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:20:32) – Yeah, I’m done.
Stella Umeh (00:20:33) – Like, you were like, this is my last meet, right? And it was just like dragging yourself for the last two years because, I mean, let’s be honest, our equipment was not forgiving.
Stella Umeh (00:20:42) – It was like rolling in rocks, right? And, you know, like rehab, rehab, all of that stuff was starting to creep up, but not to the extent where you could you could stretch the longevity of a gymnast.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:20:57) – Right.
Stella Umeh (21:00:00) – So that because that last two years of my international career was such a grind, it actually made me sad because I it had I been doing it now, I could have actually taken the time I needed to heal. I’m still been able to come back and and offer whatever was left.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:21:16) – Tell me what it was like for you before the injury competing in the Olympics in Barcelona.
Stella Umeh (00:21:22) – I probably should have been a bit more focused.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:21:27) – Oh, really?
Stella Umeh (00:21:29) – I was 17.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:21:31) – Uhhuh.
Stella Umeh (00:21:33) – And I was 17. So. Yeah. And, like, on the one side, I’m a fierce competitor and I will train, go hard, and then on the other side, I will play hard. So like nothing obviously ever happened before I competed, I was totally focused and invested in that.
Stella Umeh (00:21:52) – But I even look back on my stuff and we back in the day because we didn’t have social media, we didn’t have cameras everywhere. We didn’t have access to like immediate…
Kim Hamiton Anthony (00:22:02) – Right.
Stella Umeh (00:22:03) – Immediate fixes and, and, be able to see our progress in real time. So we are always going on the way that it felt. So I was very much and gym is the way that it felt. And there was some. Now I look back, I was like, that’s some cringe worthy business because it didn’t feel the way that it looks like. It felt way more exhilarating to me.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:22:28) – Really.
Stella Umeh (00:22:29) – than what it looks. But of course, I’m a huge critic of myself, so I would just I was like, I was expecting to be better. Had I had I actually done university because I became a better gymnast in, in, in, pockets of time. So I was coming up in gymnastics and I just had this sort of natural propensity for, like, flipping and chucking things. I wouldn’t say it was fearless, but I also trusted my body in the space and in what I was doing that I knew I was probably going to land close to my feet like I didn’t.
Stella Umeh (00:23:06) – I wasn’t afraid of most things.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:23:08) – Okay. Uhhuh.
Stella Umeh (00:23:09) – And I was super fast twist so I could just get myself out of things. And then the next window of evolution, because I was, I did compulsory, and I, and I actually loved compulsory. I loved ‘92s, especially that cycle. I loved it, but I actually think compulsory is really weeded out your best gymnast from like, it really separated gymnasts across the line because it was forcing you to like, show me the artistic elements and be and the backbone of what artistic gymnastics was, and then link them all together and do a beautiful routine and like put us all up against each other, all doing the same thing. So I became a better gymnast with compulsories. So I was so grateful for my experience in compulsory because I was I was a trained dancer. I danced for eight years.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:23:59) – Beautiful
Stella Umeh (00:24:00) Thank you. I danced for eight years. And then we also had, dance training at gym. So we had ballet bar and and and danced with our Russian choreographer every Sunday.
Stella Umeh (00:24:15) – Uh, throughout my whole career until she ended up leaving. And so that was the time. Yes. I learnt all the basics of ballet doing dance, but now I was actually able to fully put it into motion in the gym. And so with compulsory having dance training and like being able to now marry these two was the other window of time of evolution. And then I went away to university. And because we compete 13 weeks in a row, I mean consistency is a game, dude. Like, I mean, you bang those bad boys out, you like, you pull it together, you pray, you have a good season, you don’t get a cold, and you and you and you make it to the end of season and I, I the the my I was already moderately consistent. I guess but I didn’t compete as much like we didn’t compete 13 weeks in a row. Bam bam bam. I mean it was spread out throughout the whole year. But like bam bam bam bam bam. My first year this is how I went in.
Stella Umeh (00:25:13) – I went I think I competed 20 beam routines and I hit 19 of them. I fell once for the whole season. So like
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:25:21)- Wow, impressive.
Stella Umeh (00:25:22)- my, my consistency just went through the roof. And then I was just like chasing height and like, I was so, comfortable in my skills. I was like, okay, that’s how high can we get? How can I bend this board? How can I get over this beam and give myself so much time? So that was another moment of evolution. And unfortunately, it didn’t actually occur to me because I kind of need things pointed out to me. I’m a little I’m a little dozy that way. ‘96 I did consider, compete or, trying out for ‘96 Olympics. That compulsory didn’t, that cycle, to be honest, from ‘92 to ‘96 was a tricky cycle. It didn’t I didn’t fit in well as a gymnast in that cycle. And so my last two years on top of being injured was this really inorganic way of doing gymnastics, which I was like, I’m so not used to this and it’s not working.
Stella Umeh (00:26:20) – So it kind of burnt me out. And then the opportunity for ‘96 came up and I started doing that compulsory on bars. I was like, nah.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:26:27) – Yeah
Stella Umeh (00:26:29) – I was like, where’s the flow? Why is it so choppy? Why can, do I have to hit everything in this exact to be? I couldn’t do it. And I was like, no, I’m not gonna do it. But I was still competing at UCLA and I finished competing at UCLA, and by the 2000 Olympics was only 18 months later, and I didn’t reduce any of my skills. I was still at the exact same level I would have needed to bring back my Yurchenko double twist, which I didn’t actually compete at university, and then upgrade my bar dismount, and I probably would have been fine. But it never occurred to me to try out for 2000.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:27:06) Really
Stella Umeh (00:27:07) even though it was a perfectly function. Yeah, it never occurred to me.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:27:10) – Why do you think it occurred to you? Is it was it an age thing? Because back then you just didn’t necessarily try for the Olympics?
Stella Umeh (00:27:20) – Yeah. Like it was. It was I think it was a combination of a bunch of things. It was age. It was. It literally didn’t occur to me. Do you know when it occurred to me, I was at, a stand up comedy show. I was watching Dave Chappelle at, the Accor Stadium here in Sydney. And that’s where 2000 Olympic gymnastics was. And I sat down in the arena, went
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:27:49) – Oh, okay
Stella Umeh (00:27:50) – why didn’t I compete? Do you want to know when that was? That was last year.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:27:56) – Last year is when it first dawned on you that perhaps you should have tried out for the
Stella Umeh (00:28:04) – Yeah, that was 23 years later.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:28:10) – 23 years later
Stella Umeh (00:28:11) – I was like, oh my God, a huge light bulb moment. I mean, Oprah says light bulbs. She doesn’t actually give us timeline. She should probably give us like contextual timelines. But my light bulb went off a little bit late, so yeah, it just never occurred to me.
Stella Umeh (00:28:19) – And no one ever said it to me because they were all I had. I had many, people encouraging me for ‘96. Please tell this day, say, come on, compete. And it wasn’t. But no one sort of said the same for 2000, so I just didn’t even it didn’t even occur to me. And then I ran away and joined the circus because I was like, I need a job.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:28:37) – And how long were you with Cirque?
Stella Umeh (00:28:41) – So I was with Cirque on and off for 13 years.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:28:44) – 13 years
Stella Umeh (00:28:46) – On and Off. Yeah. So I went for my first show in 2000, and then I finished my last show in 2013.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:28:51) – Okay. Wow, that’s a long time.
Stella Umeh (00:28:54) – It’s a hot second. In gymnastics for 17 years.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:28:58) – Oh my goodness. That’s a long career with, you know, think about your body. How challenging it must be. Was it easier in Cirque as far as the the pounding of the body and the toll that it takes.
Stella Umeh (00:29:17) – Well, with Cirque, because there’s so many different shows, it’s going to do different things.
Stella Umeh (00:29:22) – My first show, I could not have done it for very long because it was super intense on my body. Like I actually had sort of my injuries and, and like stuff from an excessive amount of of pounding and compression came up actually with Cirque and less with gymnastics.
Kim Hamiton Anthony (00:29:46) – Really.
Stella Umeh (00:29:47) – So my first show was Teeterboard, which, that is crazy.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:29:53) – So describe what that’s like.
Stella Umeh (00:29:54) – It looks like a giant plank 20ft long, and you just jump from one end to the other. It looks like a seesaw and you’re bouncing often Flyers landing on shoulders. And just so. So it’s the timing of the board. Because I remember when I was being recruited in cast, they were like, oh, don’t worry, the Flyers, she’s the hardest thing she does is a full twist. I was like, yeah, so it’s that timing off the board. I think that’s the issue more than what we do in the air, because I think once I get there, I’ll be fine, right? But getting into the air might be a problem.
Stella Umeh (00:30:29) – And so just watching your pusher like who’s like 180lbs go up in the air and they’re in, you’re like, they’re going to multiply their way by like seven and launch me in the air right now and come down. You’re like and everything.
Kim Hamiton Anthony (00:30:44) – Oh my goodness.
Stella Umeh (00:30:45) – My eye used to twitch every time I was going to training. I was so stressed out. I would go up to training like that, but like, I was like, I really don’t want to do this. This is kind of scary. Like, I was terrified.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:30:55) – Oh my goodness.
Stella Umeh (00:30:56) – I was terrified because all I could see was like blown out knees, blown out achilles, forget your quads. Like, I just saw so many injuries. And I’m like, wait, why am I doing this? I just made it through 17 years of of high level gymnastics to come here and get destroyed. No. So I, I only actually did that contract for a year. And I knew within the first two weeks I was like.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:31:15) -That was it.
Stella Umeh (00:31:17) -I don’t want I don’t want to do this because I think this is way too this is way too intense on my body.
Stella Umeh (00:31:21) – And then when I went over to aerials, I added a bunch of life to my body. So that was great. And then by the time I finished, I was able to be the clown on stage because I studied, because I’m a clown. Because I studied at Second City Comedy Improv. And I also did comedy improv when I was living in Los Angeles. And I love comedy improv. And it was my artistic director at the time who was like, you’ve got really great comedic timing. I’m like, have you met me? Yeah, of course do.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:31:55) – Of course I do. That’s who I am.
Stella Umeh (00:31:56) – My life is a bit of a show. So, so I was able to like, touch all these areas. and I just, I mean, I love, I love performing.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:32:08) – Yes.
Stella Umeh (00:32:09) – And to be a clown, it’s still really physical but it’s in a different way. So I’m actually in fairly good nick for the life that I’ve had leading up to this point.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:32:20) – Yeah, I, I love that you talked about what you did after your gymnastics career.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:32:25) – Because the truth is, there going to be a lot of people who are listening to this podcast who won’t make an Olympic team, but they have this skill set that not very many people have. So there are opportunities beyond the Olympics, including college gymnastics, which is getting more and more popular every day. It’s it’s just amazing. And you’re seeing them on TV every week, you know, during the season on so many different channels and streaming. I mean, you, you can go anywhere to see these, collegiate gymnasts compete. So, talk to the parent who maybe they want the dream more than the child wants the dream, and they’re trying to push and they’re saying, hey, this is where you want to go. This is what I want you to do. How would you encourage them to foster aa positive experience for their child?
Stella Umeh (00:33:28) – So I actually coached gymnastics now, and I’m in a place that I mean, given where I’ve come from and how I trained and where I lived, North American, it’s very different, here out in Australia, and I’m raising a child who I coach.
Stella Umeh (00:33:45) – It’s a whole other podcast, by the way. And there is this, there’s a slight misunderstanding. It does. It slightly gets lost in translation as to what is required to become an elite athlete, as is what is required to become NCAA Division one level and Olympian nationals. It there’s a there is a little bit of a disconnect which I do experience and have to talk through with parents and kids, but I actually usually will go to the child first. I need to find out what do you want to do kid. And then it’s like I want to be an Olympian. Well, okay, I’m going to let you know what an Olympian just like the bare minimum to even get you to hold a dish position for 45 seconds. Like that is like a requirement. So if you’re not even willing to push through 45 seconds, it’s just not for you. Which is fine. There are so many other pathways that you can use your experience here to guide you in different directions. I think gymnastics as a as a whole, as a sport, whether it is at this level or recreationally, it’s a it’s an amazing sport for what it provides for children.
Stella Umeh (00:35:08) – It is not a sport like any other it works on. It really does work on fear and anxiety. Like I’m not saying that. Like it’s kind of one of those if you’re tend to be fearful and anxious, gymnastics is probably not for you because it is so unpredictable yet predictable, like you have to become so militaristic and regimented that you are so predictable in order to keep yourself safe. Like that is my number one thing. So if you can’t hold a shape for a certain amount of time, you are not building the kind of strength that we need. As a gymnast, if I tell you to do a skill and I’m spotting you, you’re going to be unpredictable and you’re going to hurt me and yourself. And I don’t like that. So it is up to you to lay the groundwork and put in the time. And if you don’t want to put in the time, it’s perfectly fine. There are other avenues and pathways which are probably more suited towards your specialty and your skills. Right. and let’s try them out.
Stella Umeh (00:36:09) – I don’t think that, like my kid who’s eight, is does everything. I mean, I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I’m going to be really honest because I’m a coach and I’m her coach and she other people look at and be like, oh my God, she’s totally got like this mentality. I’m like, no, she doesn’t. I know the truth. I love my Billie, but she doesn’t have the mindset of a gymnast. Are you kidding me? We’re odd.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:36:40) – How so, Stella?
Stella Umeh (00:36:42) – Because we have to. We are asking young children, and I’m not saying that everyone needs to triple back by the time they’re ten. We’re asking young kids to make adult mindset decisions very early on. So to be able to push yourself through something when it’s uncomfortable, to be able to cheerlead yourself through something, when you have doubt, to be able to keep showing up consistently, to do the conditioning when you’re told to, and to try extra hard every single time. To do 120% every single time you stand up.
Stella Umeh (00:37:20) – That is like big things we’re asking you to do, but it’s necessary if you even want to get to a cartwheel. So that’s actually the first step that needs to happen before all of the skills. And then there’s this misunderstanding that like I’m a trickster I do skills. Yeah that’s great. But you won’t be able to progress. I won’t be able to we won’t be able to put that into routine because you don’t know what you’re doing with your body. You need to be able to tell me exactly what is going on with your body. That is the mind of a gymnast. And if you can’t do that, you don’t have the patience to do that. You know, how have the desire to do that the same for you? It’s fine. It’s not for you. But there are other things that don’t require at such a young age that kind of focus. Does that make sense?
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:38:05) – It makes total sense. Now you mentioned fear and anxiety. What is the best way for a gymnast to overcome fear and anxiety.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:38:15) – Whether it’s throwing a new skill trying to, you know, get to the next level competition. What do you tell your athletes?
Stella Umeh (00:38:24) – I mean, I think fear and anxiety cannot be just clumped into one way, like we have to look at the source of the fear and anxiety. If it’s a fear of competition, what is it a failure? Okay, well, that’s kind of life. It’s like just. You just turn up and put your best foot forward. And if you fall, okay, you fall, you get up and try it again. You’re fine. You’ll be fine. And if it’s fear or if it’s fear and anxiety because I’ve had a wipeout or I’ve had a mishap, but no one talked me through it. And now it’s like this deep seated, like I’m terrified of this. Okay, that’s a different approach that we’re going to take. We’re going to have to break that back, like dial it way back, break it right back down and take you until you feel completely safe in every single minute step leading up to that, in order to alleviate that fear and anxiety.
Stella Umeh (00:39:18) – If it’s fear and anxiety for pleasing. I mean. I got choice words for people that that have, which I’m sure I can’t say it here because it’s a it’s a family podcast, so to speak. But it’s like, you know, it’s I’m the one showing up, so, you gotta you gotta shut it down. Lock it down, not listen, invest in, I don’t know, get music or find that thing that will help you divert. I wrote a lot like I was just incessant writer.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (0039:51) – Really? You journaled?
Stella Umeh (00:39:53) – I journaled, and I just. Yeah, journal. I mean, back in my day was called Dear Diary. But then as I got older, it turned into a journal. Same thing, writing all crazy thoughts down that you never want anyone else to read. So I would just
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:40:07) – I was just doing that today as a matter of fact.
Stella Umeh (00:40:08) – Were you? See? It’s so cathartic.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:40:11) – I have so many journals.
Stella Umeh (00:40:13) – So many and I told my husband, I said, you just you just chuck them in the fire with me.
Stella Umeh (00:40:19) – You have no business reading those. No, no, no one, no one wants to hear the inner workings of Stella’s brain. I can guarantee that.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:40:26) – I don’t know, I think it might be quite interesting.
Stella Umeh (00:40:28) – I mean, I can maybe give you a decade, but anything on either side of that, maybe not. So. So like, like find that thing that will help you aside from. Diversify as well, where all your eggs are, all your brain eggs, all your heart eggs, all your soul eggs aren’t in one basket. So I like I said, I did gym and dance at the same time. I saw a cool marriage between the two because within gymnastics, obviously it’s artistic. So there’s an there’s obviously dance elements everywhere, and I just used it because I just love to move. But then like I said, I was a I was a huge writer. I would just write a lot of stuff down. Music for me. I actually think, to be honest, that kids of the sort of the 80s and the 90s, we were really music driven because we were the first generation of MTV.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:41:23) – MTV, yes.
Stella Umeh (00:41:22) – So we exactly like Video Killed a Radio Star. So our whole I think our whole upbringing was really rooted in music and music appreciation and like emo music, like 80s music was so emo. It’s all about some kind of crazy. And we’re like, yeah, I’m there, I’m there. And then 90s, 90s grunge. Forget about it. Like totally two decades of emo 80s and 90s. So like music for me was always it, like I’d have my playlist before I was going to get out there and arm myself with. And I mean, people would probably find it really amusing what people are age because anyone younger would be like, I don’t even know what she’s talking about, but like Rick Astley. Rick Astley was my 93 album. Like Rick Astley took me through meets and I was just like, never gonna give you up, let you down like before beam. I’m like, I got this.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:42:23) -Oh, my goodness.
Stella Umeh (00:42:25) – I know, I know and like and like, what else did I listen to? I listened to Elton John and and George Michael singing Don’t Let the Sun Come Down on Me.
Stella Umeh (00:42:33) – That was the big song for Commonwealth Games 1990. And I was like, I’ve got that. Okay, so find the thing.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:42:43) – Find it.
Stella Umeh (00:42:45) – Not all your eggs in one basket that will help get you to that zone, to that spot where you’re undefeatable. And and I think the and you have to remember that it’s nobody else that’s trying to win against you. It’s not you and the crowd out there. It’s not you and all the competitors over there. It’s you and yourself, man. It’s you and the conversation you’re having with yourself.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:43:10) – Oh
Stella Umeh (00:43:11) – You got to like you got to be your best coach. There’s so many things, like as a coach, especially in this climate of gymnastics. There’s so many things that, like we say to ourselves as human beings that are criminal, we would not be able to say that to another person.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:43:26) – Mhm, no,
Stella Umeh (00:43:27) – We’d be in so much trouble. So why am I rocking up saying that thing to myself? Like how am I the best cheerleader? So self-talk is not it’s not always easy.
Stella Umeh (00:43:36) – And so you I mean I don’t think I self talk and find the one that’s effective for you. So for me it wasn’t like, Stella you’re really good. You can do this. You’re capable. It was just like: turn up. Don’t waste people’s time, energy, money. It’s definitely a black child’s M.O. It’s probably just luck. Let’s be honest. My mom’s and my. My mom, not my dad. My dad didn’t really say anything, but my mom was surprised because my mom was way too loud. Was like, I don’t care what you do if you go out there and waste my money, if you go out there and make a fool, we go have words. And I was like, that’s terrifying enough for me to go win a medal. I don’t know about. You go like, you know what I mean? Like, I just turned up and I knew why I was there. And I was never there to win. I was there to absolutely do my best.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:44:32) – Really?
Stella Umeh (00:44:33) – to do what I knew I was capable of doing, and I would not accept anything less for myself.
Stella Umeh (00:44:37) – Yes, I definitely had moments where, I mean, I bombed competitions 100%, but it wasn’t because it was. It wasn’t because of what was going through my brain.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:44:47) – So when you say that you didn’t go out there to win, but you went out there to do the very best you can, it sounds like a healthy place to be, because that means if you did do your best and you didn’t win, that you were more accepting of yourself and less harsh on yourself. Would that be the case? Or no?
Stella Umeh (00:45:09) – I mean, that’s a good that’s a good assessment. But let’s be honest, we live in it. It’s a subjective sport. We are not in contol
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:45:16) – True. Yes
Stella Umeh (00:45:17) – of the way that we finish. We have no control over it. We are. We are at all we. The only control we have is our performance. That’s it. And like one judge could think a knee was bent. Another one, a toe was pointed. And I’m like I can’t even control that. I just did everything I possibly could.
Stella Umeh (00:45:33) – And then it’s basically in your hands. So it’s no, it’s it’s of zero use to me to get twisted up going, I need to win this. I need to win that. It’s not in my control.
Kim Hamiton Anthony (00:45:44) – Right
Stella Umeh (00:45:45) – I can’t do anything about it. But what is in my control is landing on the beam and doing it properly and going out there and doing competing the exact same way that I train, and making sure that I do my conditioning, making sure that I eat right, sleep well, and like turn up. It is, that’s my that’s my job.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:46:02) – Yeah
Stella Umeh (00:46:03) – I’m getting all animated. That’s my job. But it but it is not my job to say I’m going to win. Not my job. It’s not my business.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:46:11) – Stella, did you always have that mindset? Where did that come from?
Stella Umeh (00:46:17) – The mindset of like. Turn up and not make it about winning. My coach for one, my coaches, and my parents had always said, just go out and do your best. So that was everybody’s mindset around me.
Stella Umeh (00:46:34) – And and I never thought that. I always knew intrinsically that it wasn’t just about my effort like it was. It took a village to get us here, and I was the one that was the the embodiment of everybody’s effort. So like, I was the one that was the front face of everybody else’s effort. And so I wasn’t competing just for me like I was in doing things because it’s for my own glory. I knew that it took a village. It was an entire team to get us here. So, I could only do my best. Like it was my job to just do everything that everybody we’d all worked hard to do. That makes sense?
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:47:21) – It does. It makes total sense. And what what a great mindset to go into a competition with that as your goal instead of getting the win. Because like you said, the only thing we have control over is what we do on the apparatus. And the judges determined the rest, you know.
Stella Umeh (00:47:40) – 100% and like and what I did also realize, like hindsight, that in the face of like extreme defeat, like when I bomb and I did every time I competed wasn’t an amazing experience.
Stella Umeh (00:47:55) – Sometimes I did like I went to American Cup and the year before I placed third, the following year, I bombed. I fell on every single event at an international meet. They’re like, what is happening with Stella? Like, and my name was already out there. People already knew who I was and I bombed. And I was still able to show back up because I had tangible things that I needed to fix. I wasn’t going there to try and do better than what I did the year before. I was just going there to execute to the best of my ability, what the program that I had in front of me right then and there. So. And it didn’t work. It didn’t work. I had a very bad meet. But I didn’t go into a tailspin. And. Yeah. And sometimes I had very bad meets. So it’s interesting that this has come up. I know that the kids nowadays, with all social media and this unbelievable access. You kind of have to be born into it to be able to navigate it, because us in the old days, I don’t know, like it.
Stella Umeh (00:49:03) – Just if we were born into it, we would have been fine, but coming into it late in the game would have been something interesting. So there was this just recently, a YouTube video of my ‘93 Worlds routine on floor, which was not good. It wasn’t good like I was coming off of an injury like my ankle. So it was that World Championships in February that I turned up for and I was really sick. I just come from American Cup, Paris and Russia, and I was really, really, really sick going into this meet. So I was sluggish. I didn’t have any energy, I was crying, I was barely making it through. And you could tell in my gymnastics and but the the comments were phenomenal. Like this one person, there’s like maybe five comments there. This one person is like, this is the worst routine I’ve ever seen. And I was like, actually, no, I know I’ve done worse.
Stella Umeh (00:49:56) – I’ve actually done worse.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:49:58) – Did you comment on it and say?
Stella Umeh (00:50:01) – Yeah! And I said, actually, I’ve done worse. I’ve done worse. the worst routine you would ever seen is someone getting a zero or walking off, falling off a podium, landing on their head on every single. That would be a worst routine that you’ve ever seen. So let’s let’s dial down the drama. And it’s also 1993. Right. So sit. And then it was like and then another person said, well, why don’t you like it? She’s a great dancer. And they’re like, great dancer. Laughed my ass off lol. Like she can’t dance for her life. And I was like. Okay. Well, I’m sure you’ve done everything perfect in your life, right? And so, because that’s what gives you the platform to be able to say what.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:50:42) -Right, right
Stella Umeh (00:50:43) – And then the next thing was, I just don’t like her Afro style. And this is where I went. So. I said, well, it’s interesting, whatever that style is, because I am half African, I am black.
Stella Umeh (00:51:01) – I had a music piece that was percussive, that was just choreographed to move. It is you that assigned an African style to it. Why do I need to go out and be more black than I already am? It’s amazing how black people can just show up and be black on their own. I don’t have to prove that I am more ethnic than I am, because me just being in the room is proof enough. Right. So I was just like, it’s interesting that and it’s 1993 and they’re like, why didn’t she dismount with that? You don’t know the code from 1993. And they’re like, oh, her coach didn’t catch the memo. Really? So it’s an interesting thing. That like these kids. Like, how do they deal with everybody else’s opinion?
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:51:46) – Constant scrutiny.
Stella Umeh (00:51:48) – Constant scrutiny. When you see things in a vacuum, a little morsel of that moment. Right. No one knew that I was in the emergency room two days before that. And that’s probably why I looked sluggish and I was barely mad.
Stella Umeh (00:52:01) – And I’m like, like there was a whole list of things, but I’m not here to make excuses. But it was 21 years ago.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:52:11) – That’s a good point you’re making as we are looking at the different
Stella Umeh (00:52:16) – 31 years ago, 31 years ago. Yeah, I suck at math. It was 1993.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:52:22) – Obviously I do too, because I didn’t catch it.
Stella Umeh (00:52:28) – So I fixed it quick. There we go. I fixed a quick. There we go.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:52:30) -. So, so but and I think, you know, the reason I wasn’t thinking about the math, I was thinking more about the athletes today and the scrutiny that they live under. And the fact that you bring up a good point in that you don’t know the back story. You don’t know what happened right before they stepped onto the floor, or the day before or two days before, like you said. But you make this comment that is just not kind and and then again.
Stella Umeh (00:53:01) – It’s not kind.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:53:02) – Yeah. Yeah. And is that necessary? What what does that do?
Stella Umeh (00:53:06) – I think it’s not necessary.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:53:07) – I don’t think so.
Stella Umeh (00:53:09) – because it other than it helps the person who was obviously posting.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:53:12) – Right, because it makes them feel better.
Stella Umeh (00:53:13) – Have the ability, makes them feel better. But we have the ability to keep scrolling. Like you don’t even have to stop in and have a conversation. You don’t have to watch it. It’s not like I’m in your house, in your room, in your face, I am not. I am on a device that you can move to a different access.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:53:34) – Yes, you don’t have to watch it.
Stella Umeh (00:53:36) – You don’t have to watch it. Right? So, you know, like back in our day when we had to wait for commercials and everybody, like, ran away to go get their food when the commercial was on and then ran back to see the show, we couldn’t stop it. We had to watch it right then and there. But you can
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:53:50) – And if you missed it, you missed it. You couldn’t rewind.
Stella Umeh (00:53:54) – You missed it. Right? And and yet people aren’t in the room like, oh, tell me about it.
Stella Umeh (00:53:58) – Not now, man. You missed it. You went to get popcorn. I told you not to leave. I don’t want to tell you. Right.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:54:05) – Stella
Stella Umeh (00:54:07) – So it’s it’s so interesting, that sort of armchair and and even when I, even when I comment, I definitely have that thought in my head, like, you can’t just willy nilly take this moment in a vacuum. And this is, this is the moment. Though, on the other side, that person chose to post that. Like I didn’t post this floor routine and it wasn’t in a post, it was on YouTube and someone uploaded it. So it’s like a free to watch old archive gymnastics. So I didn’t deliberately say, look at how amazing this was, or I didn’t curate this, this even more reason to walk past it. I don’t even know why it ended up in your box, you know what I mean? I don’t know, I don’t know how you found it kind of thing. So, but yeah, it’s so easy to sort of just like, pontificate and give opinions about things and then get nailed when you’re reacting to exactly what the person kind of wanted.
Stella Umeh (00:55:08) – You’re giving the exact reaction that they wanted, and then someone else will come for you. You’re like, well, you’re being really mean. Well, they were doing that. So they they literally were setting us up. I mean, and I fell for whatever. But I didn’t say anything malicious. All I did was just repeat the truth. So obviously I’m speaking of this like because it just happened.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:55:30) – Did it just? Did it really?
Stella Umeh (00:55:33) – Yeah. It’s very hot off the presses. Yeah. Yeah. This last week was yeah, the the 1993 Worlds was yesterday. that floor team was yesterday when someone was like the worst dance I’ve ever seen or the worst routine I’ve ever seen. She can’t dance. I don’t like her Afro style. I was like, I mean, I told you, it’s a it’s a family show. I got many words.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:55:54) – Many words for that. So.
Stella Umeh (00:55:55) – And I just used the, I used the, I used the big ones for in response I use that.
Kim Hamiton Anthony (00:56:00) Okay, did you.
Stella Umeh (00:56:02) – the proper ones like like you know I’ve done worse. And what you’re seeing is not in a vacuum. Those are the words I use. I didn’t swear at all. Facts.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:56:15) – Just the facts, oh, Stella. It it makes me angry when I hear things like that. Because it takes it from. It makes it personal in a sense to me, even though the person doesn’t know you. But to make those types of
Stella Umeh (00:56:30) – At all
Kim Hamilton Anthony (00:56:32) At all. But to to make the comments on your appearance and what they don’t like about your appearance. And I think about the little girls who have their natural hair and they’re doing gymnastics, and maybe their hair doesn’t do what their teammates hair does, and perhaps they are having to make adjustments or straighten their hair when perhaps, maybe they don’t want to straighten their hair, because they are expected to look like everyone else when the reality is, in some cases, it’s impossible. So when I even hearing that about this routine, what, 31 years ago just makes me think about the the gymnast who still has to do deal with things like that today and they’re still competing.
Stella Umeh (00:57:24) – It was it’s interesting that you say, I mean, it hasn’t come a long way. It’s come a long way because yes, there’s more visibility, but the same kind of ignorance still exists. When I was competing, I was 12. And, I definitely like in Canadian gymnastics, even now, they’re the color terrain was not what I was one of two, two black heads. Like, there weren’t many of us. There weren’t many of us. And definitely no one that looked like me. Yeah. And I remember always being sort of because of the gym that I was from and maybe the age that I was from, and maybe there weren’t as many gymnasts at the same level in my age at my gym, it was like either older or younger, but I happen to be that one in the middle. and then I was being. Always competing with like the same other gyms, and one gym had a lot of gymnasts my age. There was just a lot of them, and then there was always me.
Stella Umeh (00:58:28) – That was kind of always messing things up. I’d always plays like third or second or first and I’m like, can’t send your full team. Sorry, I messed that up. I’ve had so many situations with the same gym, same coaches where I have been the one outsider, where everyone else on the team came from their gym and they have turned to me and said, oh, we have a tracksuit in a bag and all of this stuff for you to wear. And I’m like, wait, we’re competing representing Canada or we’re competing representing Ontario. I don’t represent your gym. Why are you putting me in your gym colors? Why are you trying to do that? It happened more times than not. Or like my hair. Like a little, little tiny, tiny bud of hair that was more out here than it was back here and asking me to put on scrunchie the size of a bagel. And expecting it to stand. Why doesn’t it stand? I have that much hair. Like I can’t look like everybody else on the team.
Stella Umeh (00:59:32) – And it’s never going to happen. I can’t have a slicked back bun. I don’t have any hair, like, you know what I mean? It just doesn’t. I am different, and I think we should all just be okay with differences, because at the end of the day, it’s about what I do on the floor, bars, beam, vault. And it has nothing to do with what I look like, nothing to do with what I look like. So yeah, it’s it’s it’s a thing to not. To feel very not fitting fit-in-able like to that we just feel sort of on the outside and I and I’m so grateful for, the experience that girls are indulged in now because they at least have a couple of teammates. There’s a couple in there that can they can band together. There’s 1 or 2, you know what I mean? It’s it’s not easy when you’re on your own. You really have to find your own, your own steam, gotta find your own footing to be able to navigate and manage that.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (01:00:27) – No, thank you for sharing that. I think it’s important for people to hear, because unfortunately, like you said, there are still some of those beliefs and, and some of those views that are still around that, that kids are dealing with even today, unfortunately, I, I’ve learned a lot, just, you know, interviewing people and talking about this topic, just about how much how prevalent it is that these certain standards are being required and not considered, whether it’s gymnastics, ballet. I’ve talked to moms who have, had to go in and not fight physically, but fight for their daughters, fight for their daughters to be able to.
Stella Umeh (01:01:17) – Yeah, so I live in Australia and let’s not let’s not mince words. Australia is not an extremely multicultural country. And maybe in bigger cities you’re going to have more diversity and more visible multiculturalism. But I do not live in a big city. I live two, two hours north of Sydney. It’s a big regional area and it’s called Newcastle.
Stella Umeh (01:01:36) – And I mean, it’s it’s it’s pretty it’s pretty, pretty wild. I live in a very, very, very white area. Probably whiter than even I grew up in because they’re all Italian. So. So when I was growing up, the thing about, yes, I lived in a white community, but we were all children of immigrants. And when you all come in and all of your parents are not from there, there’s a whole different culture of the way that people are going to function with immigrant parents raising first generation, whatever, Canadian. So living in Australia, I live in a very white community that is ancestral. So you’ll have like the generation after generation after generation, living in the same area and not leaving. So like in our house, we’re only the second owner. Our house was built in the 40s, we’re only the second owner. So the first owners, Mave and Jare, lived here until they both die at 95 and 96. And then we came in and and here and they’re all like
Stella Umeh (01:02:45) – what happening? I know it’s going to crap now. You let us in. So I’m raising a biracial child in a very predominantly white area, but not immigrant white. Does that make sense? And she, I really had my back up looking for I was terrified to send her to school. I was terrified to send her to primary school, especially in the area that we live in. I didn’t know whatever, but the school that is literally across the street from our house. I walked in there and I was like, this is the Twilight Zone. I can’t actually do this. They were like reaching out for her hair. The principal was and like, I can’t resist. I want to touch her. I’m like, do not touch my child. Don’t look at my kid like we’re in a zoo. We’re not. We’re normal people. Yes, I understand that this is a little daunting, and I’ll give you thirty seconds to try and figure this out because my husband is six feet, white, blue eyes, brown hair, Australian.
Stella Umeh (01:03:48) – I’m five two, not. And then we’ve got a little biracial child that’s in the middle of the two. I get it when we walk into a room, it’s a little like what’s happening here? But we should get over that because this is kind of like what the rest of the world sort of looks like. So like, this is let’s just get over it. And it was, it was, it was such a trying experience to to get to be comfortable sending Billy to school. because I’m the only one that she sees that’s visibly different from what she sees out in the world. So I’m it, I’m it. Our family’s not here. My sister lives in Perth, which is on the other side of this country. My parents are in Canada. I’m it for her. And so it’s been interesting. And she just auditioned and got into a musical, which has always been my dream, quite, quite frankly, it’s the little orphan Annie I’ve always wanted to do. Annie think I’ve aged out, but I’ve always wanted to do Annie, and she’s been cast.
Stella Umeh (01:04:49) – And I mean, commendable that the the entertainment company was like, we are committed to diversity and casting and having a terrain that is representative of the world we live in. She’s the only child of color. Out of 30 people. She’s the only one. And I’m like, yeah. So your idea of diversity is very different from my idea of diversity. Like, you really need to step outside of these gates and these walls that we live in and actually look and see what is out in front of us, and then try and emulate what we actually see in the world around us, not in our direct right next to us, because that is going to be sort of like one note, but out a couple steps ahead of us. That’s where we want to go right to, to offer that inclusion, to offer that, that visibility, to offer the comfort to just people who are different. Like when I had to go for, so Billie does ballet, does and does jazz, and I, I was commending a Bloch, Bloch Dancewear, makse skin tone ballet shoes, which congratulations.
Stella Umeh (01:06:04) – But they don’t make it for anyone other than adult dancers. So I was like, so what happens to all the little kids? Do we just do we turn brown later? Or like, are we all just pink now? And then all of a sudden I’m like 12 and I’m like, oh, brown. Now I get brown shoes. No, they they’re kind of born that way. So like let’s go all the way through. Right. If we’re going to do it, you got to remember it’s kind of like a lifelong thing.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (01:06:32) – Stella, this has been.
Stella Umeh (01:06:34) – Yeah.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (01:06:35) – This has been an enlightening conversation. And I love that you were able to share how your experience as a black gymnast in Canada was quite different from perhaps what gymnasts will be experiencing here in the U.S., and how your experience differed when you crossed that border and stepped into this space. It’s, I’m sad that that’s the case because it shouldn’t be. I would hope that every little girl and every little boy would be able to pursue whatever sport, whatever activity they wanted to pursue and be able to stand proudly and just do their thing, show out, just, show up, use utilize their skills and just be brilliant.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (01:07:34) – Be excellent without all the extra drama out there. The comments
Stella Umeh (01:07:39) – Stuff.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (01:07:40) – the stuff that messes with your mind, you know, you you can try to block it out as much as you want, but sometimes if you don’t have that strong system at home, that parent or that grandmother, whoever, whomever it is, if you don’t have that system at home or somewhere that is keeping you grounded, keeping you strong, encouraged, and accepting of yourself and the skin you’re in, then it’s going to be challenging and it’s going to mess with you. But I love that you are able to be there for your daughter. Be an advocate for her and speak out now. You’re not somebody who has trouble speaking up for herself or her child. But I think about those parents.
Stella Umeh (01:08:28) – Really.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (01:08:30) – No. Yeah, no, I don’t think you have trouble doing that. But there are some parents who do, and there may be some athletes who have trouble speaking up. And it’s it could be because they just don’t want to rock the boat, or they don’t want to be labeled as that angry person.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (01:08:45) – How do you encourage them to speak up in a way that is beneficial for their their son or their daughter?
Stella Umeh (01:08:53) – So it’s interesting because actually, I think living in Australia is given me the opportunity to like being the best class of speaking up for yourself, because as a culture, Australians tend to be very conservative and they have this thing called the tall poppy syndrome, which is the exact opposite of North America tall poppy syndrome. What it is, is like, you can’t be better than anyone else. Don’t don’t you have to be extremely humble. Don’t tell me about your, your accolades, and don’t keep them quiet and push them down and almost like and in North America is like, get on top of your mouth. Sing your praises. Exact opposite. But it also goes with self-assuredness. So the one comment so there’s tall poppy syndrome here in Australia and there’s I don’t like confrontation. When I hear that, I’m like, okay, not everything needs to be a confrontation. It’s actually just a conversation, and it becomes a confrontation when you assign emotions to it and when you’re projecting.
Stella Umeh (01:10:06) – But if you want to just say something, you obviously do it in the most eloquent and diplomatic and kind, mindful way. But you are more than within your right to express. Your opinion matters. Your voice matters. The way you share it, obviously massage it. Do it kindly, but don’t quiet yourself because you don’t want to rock a boat. Because if we get everybody out there just not rocking a boat, nothing will change. And then you’ll have a whole bunch of people on the other side going, oh, I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish. Don’t waste time in regret. Just do it in the moment. Just get it done and move on. And so like people, you know at first when I first rather like you’re really flipped out. Used to drive me crazy. You’re so full on, you’re full on. Which is, in my opinion, kind of like code for the angry black woman. I’m actually not full on, okay? I use the voice in which I was given.
Stella Umeh (01:11:03) – I use a voice in which I was given, and if I see something unjust or unfair or not. Or not mindful. I’m not going to stand there and not say anything. I think it’s ridiculous. but I can also do it without getting angry. I don’t need to be angry, but just because I’ve opened my mouth does not mean I’m angry. You have not seen me angry. Right. So with our, with our Billie there was an incident in her kindergarten class. Where she was standing in line to go into the classroom and a bunch of kids gathered. And then everybody just started putting their hands in her hair. And this was at the comfortable school. Everybody just started putting her hands in her hair. And by the end of it, there were 14 hands,
Kim Hamiton Anthony (01:11:50) – No.
Stella Umeh (01:11:51) – Seven children at one time. And she was just like, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. And the reason they stopped was not because of Billie’s voice, was because they the teacher came and they went into the room.
Stella Umeh (01:12:05) – So Billie was kind of standing there. I mean, in big people world, that would have been a full assault, but was standing there like, what just happened? Told me, I came to school, grabbed her hand trying, and I was like, mum, we need to talk. And I dealt with it immediately. And every teacher, the principal vice principal, was glorious. Like it was such a beautiful moment and they weren’t angry that I was speaking up and I wasn’t angry. I didn’t go in, but I was like, this cannot happen. We need to offer a kind of education to kids that are not used to seeing people that do not look like them, to know that that is their teammate now, that is who is in their class. That is, they now can no longer say that because she is here and you are going to get more people that look like her. So let’s like get this education on the go right now. And they were cool with it. And Billie took in a book Don’t Touch My Hair.
Stella Umeh (01:13:02) – And she read it and shared it with her class and the whole thing. And it’s it’s now dial. Fast forward a couple of years and Billie had a swimming, like a, like a swimming course for the week at school. And every time Billie Billie swims, she swims twice a week. But every time she swims, I have to do her hair. We cannot leave her hair to just air dry with chlorine has to be done. So I would go at the end of it and we would. I would do her hair. And it was it was probably the most beautiful week because by the by midweek girls were like, just people just come over like, hey, okay, that’s cool. Not really not do anything, not be weird about it. But they were like, well, this is really just getting your hair done. Okay. That’s fine. They had completely accepted all differences and they were totally fine. And then they just all started bringing their haircare product in, and then they turned it into a salon.
Stella Umeh (01:13:53) – But it started with just Billie. And by the end of the week, I have 15 people around us, all of us just hanging out, doing hair and talking. It was beautiful and I was just like. This is what it’s supposed to be, where it’s just about people bringing who they are and what they are and the value that we share in this small group. That’s all it is. And no one questions, no one asks. No one is weirded out. It’s just us kicking it. And it was beautiful.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (01:14:22) – That sounds beautiful. Stella. It was. Stella, I mean, we could talk forever, and and we have. I have kept you for so long, but it’s just been such an interesting conversation, so I appreciate your time. And I have one final question to ask you before we leave. And I have to have you back on because there’s some other stuff we need to talk about.
Stella Umeh (01:14:42) – Anytime you want. We got lots and lots of stuff..
Kim Hamilton Anthony (01:14:44) – Okay, lots of stuff, some good stuff.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (01:14:47) – But, my last question for you is, what does living in BrillianceMode look like for you?
Stella Umeh (01:14:55) – To be asked a question like that. What does living in BrillianceMode look like to me? It means that I’m so in the zone, I’m brought to tears. I’m so aware and willing. Open and ready. That I cry.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (01:15:20) – That’s deep, Stella.
Stella Umeh (01:15:21) – We got a lot of stuff that we got to deal with, sorry started fogging up. There’s a lot. But we are so. Important. We are beautiful gifts. And to live there. Knowing that you are a gift and you’re important. You’re blessed and your voice, your being, your experience matters.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (01:15:51) – That’s your BrillianceMode. I love it.
Stella Umeh (01:15:55) – And a little emotional.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (01:15:58) – That’s all right. I welcome it. Thank you, Stella. I appreciate you being here. I appreciate your time. I appreciate the love, the wisdom, just the vulnerability of you sharing. It’s been real.
Stella Umeh (01:16:16) – It has. Thank you.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (01:16:22) – Thanks for listening.
Kim Hamilton Anthony (01:16:23) – If you want to learn more about Stella, check out our show notes on InBrillianceMode.com/podcast and to connect with Stella on Instagram, follow her @stellaumeh. If you’ve enjoyed this episode of Resilience to Brilliance, please share it with others who may be encouraged by it. And to make sure you don’t miss future episodes, please follow us or subscribe on YouTube or your favorite podcast platform. You can also follow me on Instagram @RealKimAnthony. Any use of this podcast without the express written consent of BrillianceMode LLC is prohibited.