According to the American Psychological Association, resilience is “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress.”
There are a number of steps we can take to build resilience, but in this article, I’d like to focus on the building block of Community.
Building Resilience Early
As an elite athlete, I faced long and grueling training each day. These workouts would take place after a full day of school and homework, and they didn’t finish until 10 PM. Because my family cleaned the gym to help pay for my training, sometimes that full day included me waking up with my mom at 5:00 AM. to mop floors and scrub toilets before our regular day would begin. As a teenager, I would endure 17-hour days, so resilience became my best friend.
There were times when I would cry because I didn’t want to be up at 5:00 in the morning cleaning the gym or at 9:00 at night doing 15 no fall balance beam routines in a row. There were plenty of times when I wanted to give up. But, I didn’t. One reason is the strong community I had in my life.
The Community that Helped Me to Succeed
On one hand, some people were telling me that I was wasting my time because gymnastics was not a sport for girls with brown skin like mine. But those voices were diminished by three tiers of people in my life who became the foundation of my resilience; Mentor/Coach, Life Tribe and Advocates. They believed in me and when I felt like giving up they gave me the encouragement I needed to stay in the game.
Family Build Resilience
The first and deepest connection was my mom. She had faced a lot of adversity in her life and what she learned from her own experiences, she taught to me. She worked hard and sacrificed to make my dreams possible, doing everything in her power to knock down barriers and ensure that nothing stood in the way.
Mom worked two jobs in addition to cleaning the gym, so when she couldn’t be there when I got home at night, she would call me after practice. Sometimes I felt defeated so she would cheer me up, and every morning she was there in person motivating me with her words and a smile. There was a silly song she used to sing about being optimistic. I can still see her beaming, swaying and crooning that song like it was yesterday. Whether I was crying or pouting, it always made me laugh. I miss her.
Teammates Build Resilience
In addition to my mom, I had teammates who encouraged me. They were individuals who were in the game with me. They knew how hard our training was and there were days when they dreaded the workouts as well. So they had this special ability to provide insight and motivation that was based on the shared relational experience we had in the gym. As they cheered me on, I could also be a source of encouragement for them as well.
Then there was a wider community of people who didn’t even know me very well, but they wrote me letters and stopped to encourage me when they’d see me out and about. Many let me know how proud they were of me and told me what me pursuing my own dream meant to them. I had no idea the role I was playing in their lives, but as a result of their kind words, I was energized and inspired to stay the course.
Whether you want to compete at a high level, become a high-level leader, or achieve your wildest dreams, you need to build the resilience that will enable you to push through the headwinds of adversity. The different levels of connections I’ve described formed the foundation of my resilience and strengthened my ability to rise in the face of trials again and again.
What About Your Own Community?
As you think about your own life and the “adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress” you face, who are the people in your life who are strengthening your resilience from these three levels?
- Who is that mentor or coach in your life that my mom was for me? A person who has experience under their belt and is able to help you to see what you don’t see, realize your potential, and give you the motivation to keep going?
- What group of people can you do life with, who understand your circumstances because they too are in a similar season of life, career, or position? A Life Tribe of individuals who have a shared experience and a unique set of insights to effectively embolden one another.
- Lastly, where can you spot people who are providing you with that perimeter level of support? These are advocates you may not see or talk to daily but they are out there, aware, and cheering you on from afar. They “see you” and want you to know that what you are doing matters. I find these individuals as I speak around the country. They may come up to me after an event and share how something I said was impactful for them.
At one speaking engagement, I was utterly exhausted, teetering on the edge of burnout, and I thought I had made the wrong choice in saying “yes” to that particular event. However, I had kept my commitment and pressed through anyway.
After I delivered my speech, several members of the audience shared with me how they would live their lives differently because of something I had said.
In those moments they were strengthening my resilience and it gave me the energy I needed to hop on another flight just hours later and meet my other obligations. I may never see them again, but they were the advocates I desperately needed at that time.
If you do not have these three tiers of Community in your life, I encourage you to be proactive in building this foundational part of resilience. Surround yourself with the support you need, because conquering your challenges is much harder in isolation.